Monday whine

Another rough day. Was the last one a Monday too? For awhile I thought that being a SAHM and therefore on duty 24-7, I was immune to the Monday blues. But that was during the school year, when Merry had school and the comfort of a predictable schedule. He's been having a rough time lately, meltdowns and tantrums several times a day instead of only once a week or so. Time to try a few new strategies.

His therapist recommended a scheduling and routine building app for the tablet to help Merry regain some control and predictability. (Choiceworks for iOS, but we'll probably try the similar First Then Visual Schedule on the Android tablet since the boys' iPad is ancient and sloooow) I've been dragging my feet, but I'm pretty sure she's right--his pretend play lately has been putting his toys through morning and bedtime routines. We'll see how it goes.

Incidentally, I hate being the mom who whines about summer. I loved the last few summers we've had, spending most mornings out at parks, bringing a picnic lunch, watching the boys play, and enjoying the gorgeous Pacific Northwest. And I was looking forward to this one too! Still time to salvage it; the hard part is just getting out of the house--once we're out at the park or wherever, things are back to beautiful. I suspect if we can put Merry back on a more even footing, things will vastly improve.

Gratitude

This morning was hard. Not spectacularly, trip-to-the-ER hard, but the soul-grinding slog of Merry fighting every step of the morning routine, Bella yelling constantly for attention I couldn't give, and Pippin wanting adorably to be his own boss about every. little. thing. I was up before 6 and didn't manage to take my first blessed sip of coffee until after 9, after which things improved considerably.

But rough mornings have a nice chiaroscuro effect on the rest of the day. For one thing, after a start like that, its satisfying to look back and realize that the rest of the day went pretty well. The boys played outside 3 different times, ate healthy meals, and I even managed to give Bella a bit of avocado to experiment with. (At 4 months and as the third baby, giving her table food doesn't happen unless I have a bit of spare sanity, so that's a good sign.)

But more importantly, once the coffee starts to take effect and I finally get a second to breathe, a difficult morning only highlights how good I have it. The most I have to complain about is that my three beautiful, wonderful children drive me crazy in my nice safe house while my husband is at his job? Yeah, perspective and gratitude save the day.

Looking Back

It's been two years since I started this blog, and almost that long since posting; once I get past the guilt of starting a blog and then almost immediately dropping it again it's interesting to compare where we were then vs now.

The biggest and most wonderful change is that we've added another hobbit to the family! Little Bella is almost 5 months now and me from two years ago would be surprised at the thought of having a daughter. I'd always had this mental picture of myself as a mom of boys, but it's a beautiful change. She's absolutely wonderful and the boys adore her; Merry in particular amazes me by being an attentive, affectionate, and (mostly) gentle big brother.

The gluten free dairy/caesin free diet ended up being unnecessary, yay! After about a year on the GFCF diet we were seeing great improvement, but couldn't be sure whether it was the diet, the therapy, or simple mental/emotional development. After a few tests to reintroduce gluten we decided that it wasn't having a negative effect, and gratefully went back to tasty baked goods.

Dairy was a different story though; we noticed more aggressive, explosive and self-harming behavior on days after Merry had dairy. Bummer. Then we tried a probiotic, since I'd seen several promising studies about the gut-brain connection and how it might be linked to autism. It wasn't a fancy probiotic, just an off-the-shelf gummy and I wasn't expecting much. But we soon noticed that when he was on the probiotic, dairy didn't seem to bother Merry as it had before. So we ended up keeping the probiotic and reintroducing dairy, much to everyone's relief.

Pippin is two and a half now and blowing us all away with his quick grasp of language and social development. He's a super-happy and cheerful little guy and between the three of them I'm constantly swinging between brain-fogged exhaustion and crazy joy.

Two years ago we were just getting into Merry's diagnosis and now I can see how much progress he's made. We still have plenty of work to do, but we were so blessed to have an amazing preschool and good ABA program for him. Looking forward to kindergarten in the fall!

Half a Year!

Pippin is 6 months now, and I'm floored by how quickly the time has flown. Merry's first six months seemed to creep by in a happy baby daze, but although the joy has been no less intense, the time has gone so much faster! Now that this thought is actually verbalized, I can see how obvious a revelation it is, (more kids to care for = time moving faster) but it's a side effect of kid #2 that I hadn't considered before.

Also like every other parent in the history of forever, I spend too much time comparing my second child with my first. But in any family with a kid on the spectrum, the analysis of that new baby has a sharper, more desperate and anxious note. The statistics are scary, and siblings of kids with ASD have a higher chance of being on the spectrum; I've seen as high as 1 in 5. 

From the very beginning, Pippin has been a reassuring baby. He smiled and laughed much earlier than Merry, who hit those milestones a bit later but not quite in the "talk to your doctor" range. Pip makes excellent eye contact, and although he isn't babbling yet, he's plenty talkative in early baby coos, ahhhs, and shrieks. Shrieks are a fun learning phase, aren't they? Baby's all "Ohhh, what a fun sound I've discovered, and look how everyone jumps when I make it!"

So I was feeling much better about the ASD cloud over our heads when this article came out. It's an excellent, moving piece on autism, about a boy and his family who learned how to connect and communicate through Disney movies. But it was also the first time I'd heard of regressive autism, how normally developing children can lose the ability to talk or make eye contact, changing from a bright, talkative toddler to become withdrawn, anxious, and uncommunicative. 

The return of the fear was a punch to the gut. Not out of the woods after all! Three years of watching, comparing, knowing that the sword is hanging over our heads.

Merry never went through a period of regression, his social and communication skills simply stopped following the normal development. And the fear that lurks in the background isn't so much that Pip will follow Merry's development. It's the deeper more ancient fear of the changeling, of autism spiriting away this beautiful happy baby and replacing him with a stranger.

For now I try not to focus on it, not to dwell. There's too much to enjoy, too many happy baby giggles, sweet smiles and chubby legs to kiss. Too many adorable brother hugs, shared laughter and peekaboos to let future troubles cast shadows that may never be. 

Meet the Hobbits

I'm Mama Hobbit. Before I had the Most Important Job In The World I was an environmental engineer. My favorite things are books, hiking, and avoiding housework.

The Gaffer is our resident tech genius, in addition to being a wonderful husband and father. He decided that working on top secret anti-missile radar systems was too boring and taught himself how to do amazing things with mobile phone apps. This career change ended up moving the family 2,000 miles north to the magical land of Seattle, where we love the weather and the landscapes but hate being so far from family. Gaffer's favorite things are video games and fun new gadgets.

Merry, Pippin and Bella* are the little hobbits. Merry is starting kindergarten this year (2016), Pip is tackling preschool at full tilt as he approaches 3 years, and Bella is the baby (literally for the moment, but we all know it's always going to be the case in some way). 

This blog originally started out as a way to process Merry's autism diagnosis. But while that's always going to be A Thing, it's only one of many things, and now I'm using Adventures as a way to keep myself writing until I have the mental space and time to attempt something more ambitious. This is a bare bones place; I'm not tech savvy and don't intend to spend much time worrying over format and why that font/spacing/photo looks weird. But welcome to those who wander through this little corner of the internet. Feel free to stay for awhile, put up your feet, and sip your beverage of choice. 

*Belladonna Took was Bilbo's mother, if anyone's wondering where the Tolkien reference is on that one